idiocy
by oh sweet jesus
Summary: axel was an idiot. who would break roxas like that? akuroku, roxasxoc


Someone fucking tell me why I love angsty shit so much?  
UGH.

**--**

"_I promise I'll stay with you forever Roxas. Next time they're being mean to you, I'll punch 'em!" Ten year olds were so cute._

_Axel and Roxas were best friends. Roxas was eight, Axel was ten. They'd been best friends wince Roxas was in the crib and Axel was toddling out of it._

"_Thanks Axel." A small rosy blush crept into the blonde's cheeks as he looks at him with a smile._

_He believed every word Axel told him._

A small blonde sat at his desk, fingers click-clacking on the keys of his laptop, legs snugly curled under him in fluffy blue fleece pants. It was his college application, trying to get into the same one Axel was in. Axel was smart, smarter then anyone ever expected of him.

Axel had also turned into quite the little party-boy, while Roxas was still a quiet introvert, but the redhead always came to check on him every day so they could sit down and watch TV or a movie, eat popcorn and laugh together.

Axel knew Roxas was gay, he never said anything on the topic. Roxas remembered when he had come out to the redhead.

He had secretly wished inside Axel would tell him he loved him.

He knew it was stupid.

He knew it was cliché.

"_Damn it Axel, I have something to say!" Sixteen. He was sixteen._

"_Whatttttt Roxy-poo?"  
"Axel… uh… well…"  
"Spit it out!"_

"_I'm gay, Axel. I uh… just figured that out."  
"Must've been 'cuz I'm so hot"  
"Uh…sure."  
"Well that's great, Roxy! You should g find yourself a boyfriend."  
"Well I was kind of wondering—"  
"Sorry, Rox! I gotta run, Tifa just texted me. We're going to the movies tonight, maybe you should try and get lucky, too."_

Axel never heard what Roxas was 'kind of wondering' and Roxas never told. Now he just looked at his screen, sighing, getting up to go throw a pair of dirty jeans on and a green hoodie; he was supposed to be meeting Axel.

It was raining.

He ran quickly, hood over his head, and the redhead was waiting. Roxas' heart pounded a little faster as he looked at him.  
"Hey, Ax."

"Sup, Rox?"

"Nothing. Hey, uh…"  
"Yeah?"  
"I love you."

The words had come so simply to Roxas, he had just said them and they came. He looked at Axel hopefully; he'd never meant to say it.  
"Uh."  
"Ugh, sorry."  
"N-no…it's fine…"

Axel decided he really needed a good lay, and here was his best friend, who was just chick enough to be hot standing there in front of him practically giving it up. And God, he just wanted to take it.

So he reached out and grabbed the small blonde's shoulder, pulling him close and crashing their lips together as the cold rain trailed down their backs and hair and spashed onto their cheeks.

When they gasped for air, Roxas looked at him in surprise, breathing.

"W-well…"  
"Shut up." Axel didn't want to hear his voice, it sounded too much like a boy's after Roxas had hit puberty.

'_just shut up I don't want to hurt you just shut up please'_

The only thoughts going through his head.

He leaned down to let his breathe fan over the blonde's face as he kissed him again. Roxas' lips were so soft as he did so, closing his eyes so he didn't have to look into his _best friend's_ which were so full of happiness and love and god damned affection.

It wasn't what Axel wanted. Axel wanted to feel another body pulsating beneath him, wanted to hear those moans and screams emitting from his lips. Axel didn't want to be gay for him, Axel just wanted sex.

Roxas on the other hand pulled away to rest his head on Axel's chest, breathing roughly.

Roxas had never been kissed like that, only the soft tender kisses of his ex boyfriend.

He'd always imagined Axel to be gentle, too, but whatever he could get was fine. He looked up at Axel, frowning slightly as those beautiful green eyes refused to meet his gaze, but those long fingers were grabbing so insistently to his sides as he was kissed again, pushed back to his apartment complex, slowly but surely as they walked up the stairs.

Axel was supposed to be at a party. He had to make this quick, fuck-and-go, marijuana sounded so appealing at the moment.

But now Roxas lay open before him, he looked so used as Axel crawled off of him, the way his lips parted, the way his eyes fluttered shut as he reached for the taller male. Axel tilted his head until he realized that was what you normally did. You cuddled with your lover. As Roxas stood up, slipping into some boxers and back into his pair of sleep pants, he turned around to face Axel, who stood up, already dressed.

"I…I…I love you Axel." He whispered to the angered look on Axel's face, confusion.

'Oh yes, baby, oh… yes… right there, you're so perfect… fuck… yes…'

"Don't. Do. Not. Say. That." His heart was dropping as he looked at his best friend.

_Best friend, Axel. Don't do this._

He walked over to the blonde, he refused to call him 'his blonde', as he placed his hands softly on his hips, looking down at him with calculating eyes. He hadn't meant for it to go this far, he wasn't _gay_ like him!

"Axel…?"  
"I can't believe you! I can't believe you!" Axel repeated, getting louder as Roxas was pushed into a wall. He was in hysterics.

"Why are you such an idiot! You could have just let me be the way I was! Why did you have to love _me?_ You _know_ how I am!"  
"I… can be there for you, Axel. I won't run away and leave you!"  
"Don't even go there."

_Slap._

Roxas looked in shock as a hand was raised; and he took a sharp breath as a fist was driven into his stomach, a knee to his groin.

Why was Axel hurting him?

He doubled over, the knee connecting to his nose, and when he finally caught himself enough to stand, his face was being attacked by those same fists, until he was brought to the ground.

"You look so pretty in bruises." Axel couldn't stop, he wanted to, he couldn't take the look on Roxas' face.

_Best friend._

"P-please… s-stop!" and he was immediately met with another slap. He couldn't even wrap his mind around the events coming to mind as he was being tossed around.

A ragdoll.

Finally, when he lay, staining his beautifully white carpet that took hours on Sundays to clean red, he closed his eyes and tried to breathe.

A rib was hurting too bad.

Or three.

He looked up into the face of a sobbing Axel, who turned and ran out of his apartment.

Axel finally got to that party.

He got high.

He had sex.

He was arrested for drinking while driving and carrying crystal meth.

When he was released, he went to see Roxas.

He was still in the hospital.

Roxas looked at him for a while, the hurt in his face still evident as another male came into the room, striding over to his bedside and gently taking Roxas' hand in his, stroking the back of it.

"You must be Axel." He whispered.

The guy was one of the male nurses, he'd 'fallen in love' with Roxas the day they'd met.

"I don't know what you did to him, but he can't even talk about you without crying."

Axel was never good at making decisions.

The decisions he'd made that night were worst then most.

No one else could ever look at him in that same adoring, affectionate way and get away with it other then Roxas.  
But now Roxas wouldn't even look at him.

If they passed on campus, which was rare, Roxas would hurry on by.

Axel finally quit his partying and sobered up a bit, and actually took some time to look into his past and fix the things he'd broken along the way.

And reflect on the way his life had been.

And remember that one conversation they'd had.

"_Damn it Axel, I have something to say!" Sixteen. He was sixteen._

"_Whatttttt Roxy-poo?"  
"Axel… uh… well…"  
"Spit it out!"_

"_I'm gay, Axel. I uh… just figured that out."  
"Must've been 'cuz I'm so hot"  
"Uh…sure."  
"Well that's great, Roxy! You should g find yourself a boyfriend."  
"Well I was kind of wondering—"  
"Sorry, Rox! I gotta run, Tifa just texted me. We're going to the movies tonight, maybe you should try and get lucky, too."_

That's when he realized it, something he should have realized a long, long time ago.

'I was kind of wondering'

He cut him off with his rant on his little sexual favor girl.

He knew what he was going to say.

'I was kind of wondering if you liked me'

He blew Roxas off every time after that. What was he so afraid of?

Hurting Roxas.

What had he done?  
Hurt him.

He remembered now, how he was always protecting his little Roxas from all the big bad guys, showing Roxas that not every popular kid was bad, proving to Roxas. His life had revolved around that stupid blonde.

And he shouldn't have had sex with him, that was his millionth mistake. Letting Roxas touch him in such kind, loving ways.

_Gentle hands ran down the male skin of Axel's back as Roxas gently kissed his naval.  
"You're so beautiful, Axel."  
The nails only slightly scratched him, enough to make it pleasurable. Soft lips trailed down his chest, and all Axel could do was spread his legs and moan for Roxas to continue._

_He was surprised by how easy Roxas would just give it up to him._

_Roxas had taken him fully into his mouth, moving his head as Axel pulled meanly at his hair, never thinking about making this experience pleasant for the blonde as well. It was all about him in his world, never thinking about the precious blonde. Trying not to think about the way he was using him._

"_A-am I doing okay?" Insecurity._

"_You're doing fine, slut."_

"_Okay." And it resumed._

_Gentle-soft hands were wrapped around his 'pride and joy' as Axel kissed him, biting his tongue. He could taste the copper of Roxas' blood, the squeak of pain. Finally, he had just turned Roxas around and shoved deep inside of him, making the blonde crawl, trying to get away. It hurt. Axel should have prepared him at least slightly. _

Roxas was crying when they had 'made love'. But he had kept his mouth shut. Axel felt his heart drop when he realized that that was how Roxas had taken it. They were 'making love' to him, but to Axel, they were 'fucking'.

His cute, gay best friend liked him. Axel was a closeted bisexual. He couldn't have just accepted the 'I love you' and maybe started something later? No. He was too much of an ass for that.

He remembered going to Roxas' funeral, he died when his lung collapsed.

The broken ribs were pressing against it or something.

Axel stood at his coffin after everyone left and he cried.

Cried for what he had lost.

He cried for who

He

Had

Become.


End file.
